life-of-the-dreamer

Well...maybe.
I'll watch all my friends still and I'll still check out this account occasionally but..
Idk
I still write--that's something that hasn't changed.
But logging into this account sorta became a chore, probably because I've had so many good memories in this account, some part of me half expects things to be back to how they used to be when I'd log into chat daily and rp with everyone when that just isn't the case anymore. (I held onto that memory--that feeling--way too much, I think.)
I've been thinking of it off and on for a few years, honestly.
[s]Along with the fact that I gotta do a better job in keeping in touch with my friends[/s]
But, um
On another note I guess?
I've been...doing fine, I'm starting to feel better--little by little because I was dealing with some pretty serious depression and anxiety for awhile, so I was shut down for a bit and I pushed you all away by not keeping in touch with you all, or simply being unable to bring myself to tell you all what's wrong. That isn't fair.
And I'm really sorry for that.
Um...
But thank you, everyone, for being there in my life one way or another. And no, I haven't forgotten about any of you.
I hope you're all doing well, too!

Hello, anyone still active enough to watch me
especially any friends...
i owe you all an apology, I think.
these past few years I've fallen out of touch with everyone and I've been too...I guess anxious?
to really try and say anything
and the more quiet I kept, more time would go on and I'd lose my will to do much on here as of late.
Not to mention, as some of you might have known I was dealing with a manipulative...thing
for awhile and I've been finally coming back to my old self without having to worry about being yelled at or hurt by someone who was close to me.
U-um
i can't promise I'll be active again, but with my friends 
if they're still active I would like to try harder to keep in touch this time.
It might sound cheesy but I had a dream about you guys that made me wake up and also realize I can't keep doing this.
i also know I can't keep holding onto the past so much like I used to, so to anyone that doesn't want to try again or continue on
or felt like too much time has past for any of that
i'm really sorry I took this long to really get to all this
and thank you for being in my life, every single one of you!
i hope your holidays went well

Sorry!
I literally haven't been on this account.
I know I said I would just..
I feel too much nostalgia when I'm on this account and I guess it's time to let go of a lot of that? I mean, all you guys grew up so much and changed and...well, I guess I'm a little anxious with trying to talk to everyone again because of that and just because trying to arrange things the way they used to be when that's not gonna be the case.
I mean, yes I'll always remember all those conversations fondly and I'll definitely remember how each and every one of you made me feel.
If you guys weren't there for me, well, I'll be honest I'd probably not be here because of all the stuff I had to deal with in my personal life that had thrown me into some serious depression.
And I remember feeling so happy and loved when I was around you guys. I got to explore things and learn so much because of you all. I guess it's a little overdramatic of me to say this but I remembered how to be myself with the help of my friends--both on here and at school
And I'm not...I don't want to throw that away, so I might make a new account or something, if I do I know I'll leave this account be and perhaps post some stuff here from time to time.
Okay, well.
For now I'll leave this at it is since I'm crying rn and my parents are in the living room with me so I want to avoid explaining all this.
But thank you so much everyone for being my friend. Even if we haven't talked as much, I love you all lots.
*Also I got accepted into my first choice of Collage so I'm excited for that, too.
This journal is a mess I'm sorry, too.

HI
UH
I LIVE I SWEAR.
Lately I've been kinda lurking about since I can't really post anything from my iPad I'm on a school computer right now oops
But yeah
I'm feeling better with writing again.~
Well
More like writing and posting, I guess?
I've been into tokyo ghoul it hurts but chances are I won't really write about that on here.
If anything, I'll probably get into writing about fire emblem again?
Or rewrite/maybe continue with one of my other stories.
I dunno.
Or I'll just start writing some random scenes out and posting them like one shots or something?
//Shrugs
But yeah, at least I'm sorta getting back into the swing of things?

As you all already know, I haven't been on this account very much and added onto that, I have lost contact with a great deal of you guys.
And I've come to realize that desperately trying to hold onto the past to keep in contact with you all is, well...
It's a bit childish of me.
You all have grown up and changed at your own pace, to go back and talk like we haven't is, well...
It wouldn't work out, I believe.
I've changed and so has everyone else over this past year.
I've graduated and yes, my uncle did pass away from cancer on the week of my graduation.
I just... I suppose I matured? I am not quite sure anymore. But I do know trying to hold onto the past like we were trying to before is rather meaningless because it did more harm to us then anything.

But cutting to the chase is that I have not been on DeviantArt as much anymore. I apologize for this, but it's the same reason as last journal post and I have yet to get a personal computer.
however, I want to ask this of you: do you wish for me to stay even if I'm not here as often?
I'm not going to deactivate this account because I have so much of my work on here and I still am on DA often.
Just not on this account.
I just...don't know anymore.
I'm sorry.